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Welcome to the Uncomplicated Perimenopause Podcast. I'm Kate Grosvenor, your friendly peramenopause expert and life coach.

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And I'm Gabriella, Kate's daughter, representing all the women who are nowhere near peramenopause but want to understand it better.

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Whether you're just starting your peramenopause journey, deep into it, or you're a loved one trying to support someone who is. We've got you covered.

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We'll be answering all of your burning questions, exploring the ups and downs, and sharing expert advice and personal insights.

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So grab a cup of tea, get comfy, and let's dive into the wonderful, sometimes wild, world of perimenopause together.

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And remember, no matter where you are on your journey, you are not alone.

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Welcome to the uncomplicated paramenopause. And I'm Gabriella Grosvenor, Kate's daughter, It's Olion Willie Wolf. So I was just thinking today, what's what's exciting, what's new, and I thought, we're not really doing very much. And then I remembered, mm, except a firewalk. Like the main event. The main event of the of the of the year that we've got coming up on Saturday. Of the season. Of the season. Like such frigatin. Yes. On the ton. Yeah, we're so we're doing we're doing a firewalk. So people probably don't know that I'm a firewalk instructor because like that's just every day, isn't it? Like you just do that. That's such a good event. It's such an amazing event. So we're doing it on the 4th of October, and um don't have a few tickets to still avail. They're probably still available, aren't they? Yeah. So if you hear this before the 4th of October, go to wkateGrovenEvents.com. And if you want to join in, if you're stuck or you're feeling like you need a bit of oomph in your life, it's an amazing coaching event. It will just unstick you, give you oomph, give you more faith in yourself, give you some confidence and shift you forwards. And that's what it's all about. It's it's unshakable self-belief. It's actually not nothing to do with firewalk. And people don't believe me when I say say this. Even people that come to the firewalk, I'd say they're waiting for me to teach them how to do a firewalk, which takes about 30 seconds. And the rest of it, the other hours and hours of coaching, is to do with your mindset. It's so incredibly and the next few days just hit you after like in in a positive way.

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Oh yeah, what am I doing with my life? It's more what should I do with my life now?

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Who do I want to be? Yeah. Because you feel unstoppable. So good. Come join us. KateRovenevents.com. Come join us if you still want a ticket. Anyway, so that's what we're doing this week, which is pretty awesome. So, my darling child, my darling girl. Well, you're not really Charlotte, you're 25, but you're my child. You're my baby. What's the question, darling? So this question is from Anita. Okay. She is for we don't get that. That's not a name we get very often. She's from Berlin. She lives in Berlin. Oh, nice. She's 42. And she says, I feel drained by having to make endless decisions from work to family to what's for dinner. What do you want for dinner? I just don't care. Is there a way to ease the decision fatigue and save some energy actually for myself? Okay, so decision fatigue, basically. Yes. So this is actually really common. I say this all the time. It's not just you, but it really, really is. So we call it decision fatigue. And okay, so why does it happen? I like this question. It's actually quite it's actually juicier than it seems on the surface. So I'm excited because I'm bored of hearing what's for dinner and I don't make the dinner. So like you just show up.

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I show up for dinner, never mind the person that what's for dinner, and she's probably making the dinner.

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Yeah, yeah, yeah. So basically, every decision that we make, no matter how small, uses that mental energy. And our our bra the thing is, our brains normally forget perimenopause, but our brains normally have a finite tank or a finite supply of a limited. So infinite is unlimited, finite is limited. Yes. Pay attention. I know every day is a school day. So we have a finite tank of decision-making capacity, okay? Once it's depleted, it's not like you can't make any more decisions, but it's like every decision becomes stressful, every decision be you makes you irritable, and you make bad decisions when you're stressed and irritable, right? So you just get really cranky about stuff. So the problem is that in perimenopause and in midlife in general, you are the main decision maker because you are the you are, you know, I am the I am the human, right? So everyone will come to me and say, I've got like, let's say Ronan Jenna, right? I don't know which dis which module I should drop at uni. I don't know where I should find out about the student this. I don't, you know, Scott will come. I don't know which something I should do. What when do the cats need fleeing? Does the horse need when when is the next time the farrier's coming? And then never mind the fact that I run two businesses or three businesses, right? And then my own decisions about your own. Yeah. And then there'll be obviously what I do for a living, being a life coach. So I'm making helping other people make decisions all day.

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Yeah.

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So the point is that midlife women carry a lot of multiple roles. They're in their own careers, in the family, their own health. They might have aging parents, they've got kids, they've got social family learn. There's a lot of roles you play as monkey, daughter, sister. And then they've got social commitments, the people that are sociable. Thankfully, that doesn't include me. We're just sociable with each other. Yes. So the number of daily decisions in midlife skyrockets. But we diminish capacity, which I'll talk about in a second. So how do you know if you're how do you know if you've got. Okay, let me let me let me just go another way. Why do why does it diminish? First of all, the prefrontal cortex, which is I've talked about before, is the front bit of the brain. It's fully developed. Yes, at 25. Well done, Gabby. You've you finally got there. Um so it's your brain CEO. So it's your brain's like boss boss in charge. Each decision, even something as small as do I want tea or coffee, uses up glucose and neurotransmitters that fuel that area. Over the course of the day, those neurotransmitters get depleted and they they lead you. You know, when you just say, I can't be asked, I can't make any more choices. That's actually true. So if you've made a lot of choices in that day, you know if you've been on your own, chilled out in your room, or you've gone for a walk, you're like, yeah, sure, hit me with it. What do you need? If you've been at work and we've been doing this and this and this and this and this and this and this, and we've been firing, brainstorming, your brain just feels fatigued. That's actually a real thing. That's not your imagination, that's actually a real thing, right? Then if you add things like stress hormones, cortisol, okay, that plays a role too. And in perimenopause and midlife in general, cortisol is higher because our body's under more strain. We've we've talked about this a long a lot. So hot flushes, sleep disruption, emotional load, hormonal fluctuations. So cortisol then competes with your prefrontal cortex, okay? So your brain is then shifting into fight or flight or survival mode more easily. When it when it does that, it it then shifts into, I've talked about the amygdala, which is the center of the brain. So it's not used your prefrontal cortex, then it's shifting into your amygdala. And so you're not making effective decisions because it's using your amygdala, your your kind of flight or f or flight zone. The other thing is. Wait, sorry, question. So when you're in survival mode and like an urgence, where what part of the brain makes amygdala? So you're going fight or flight. So you're in amygdala, which is the center of your brain. You're not using your prefrontal cortex. When you're chilled. Right. So that's why you make great decisions when you're relaxed and you can think straight. Do you know when you go into fight or flight and you go, shut up, shut up, shut up, I can't think straight? That's true because you're in fight or flight. So your your amygdala makes decisions when your fight, flight, freeze, fawn. You're you're literally in if you don't do this at home, children. Um, but if you put a pencil between your ears, you'd hit your amygdala. You're fight your your prefrontal cortex is right up here. Yeah. Is your is your thinking zone, right? Your higher order thinking, your self-regulation. Staft decisions when you're in fight, fight or flight. You're just like. What about when you like people say, oh, don't let a pregnant woman make a big decision? Well, they just shoot those because they're misogynists. Sorry, don't shoot them. Don't start with that. Just walk away and say naughty. Okay. So hormonal shifts as well. So estrogen has a very protective, anti-inflammatory effect on the brain. Okay. That supports neurotransmitters like serotonin, dopamine. As oestrogen fluctuates, and we've said this every single episode, but as oestrogen fluctuates in perimenopause, mental clarity, focus, emotional regulation can wobble. And that makes decision fatigue stronger and more intense. We also have a problem with sleep and fatigue. Lack of sleep, which is very common in perimenopause. I think we've done at least two hours. Interrupted sleep. Interrupts of sleep, insomnia, trouble getting to sleep. Yeah. Stops us being able to recharge fully. So we don't get enough admin work done in our brain, and that makes decision fatigue also more difficult. You're also, as I said before, you're the default decision diff. Someone. Brain engaged. Um, you're also the default decision maker. You've also got biological resilience issues that you didn't have in your 20s, which is why you need to take viva perry. Shameless plug. Viva Perry is one of our supplements that's based on NMN, but it's also got quercetine and triceratol and all kinds of reversitol and lovely ingredients in. It's very, very essential. I will die on that hill. Everyone should take viva perry. And then the emotional loads of midlife as well. So am I doing enough? Because we start to question ourselves as well. We get all kind of like, what am I doing with my life? Because you change, you're going into another chapter. So when you start to leave a chapter of your life and you start to go into another chapter, you do naturally reflect. So you start thinking, what am I doing with my life? How do I stack up? Is this where I thought I would be? Is this where I'm supposed to be at my age? Is this what I was supposed to? The word supposed is really judgy and really loaded and not terribly helpful. Um who says? Yeah, and who are they? Who says where that where you're supposed to, you know. But we do society, but then it's like, but who who though? Because we've all been watching Sex in the City. I've been just so enjoying that. Yeah. I mean, I've seen it all before. I've seen it all before, but it's a good one to watching you for the first time. But you've been saying to me things like, Why are they in such a hurry? Why are they in this? I'm like, well, because they're in their mid-30s. Bad decisions. Yeah, and I've been saying, well, because there's a time clicking by, and we've been having a lot of conversations about how women feel different pressure at different times of their lives. Very, very different. And when you're in your 50s, like me, you're like, don't give a shit about so much stuff that you would feel differently about in your 30s. And it's it's actually been quite interesting to have those conversations from different viewpoints. So all of these like things add up, meaning that you're really tired in your brain. Bearing in mind all of that. How do you know that you've got decision fatigue? Well, you can feel decision fatigue is not a tired brain at the end of the day. It's a very specific. So I'm gonna, I'm gonna, I'm gonna give you some symptoms. I should put my microphone near me as well. I'm gonna give you some symptoms so you you can know if if if you actually have decision fatigue, so you can be be sure of what it looks like. So there's things like, for example, being paralyzed by simple choices. So you go to your wardrobe at the beginning of the day and you just don't know what to wear. Like you open your wardrobe and you're like, what do I want to wear? I just don't know. Yeah. Right? It's a novel one in your twenties. Never mind, like, I don't know what to wear half. And it's a big decision, never mind. Never mind also having to factor in different materials. And this is the thing, you know, because when your clothes feel ick, and especially if you're ADHD and paramedic force, that's even worse. Like you'll see, I never wear I never wear things on my wrists ever. You I always roll things apart from my wrist, I'll never wear things. You see me on videos, I'll always be moving things away from my round my neck. I never can't wear things around my neck, but that's an ADHD. That's an ADHD thing then. Just when your brain feels really, really full, like you can't make a big decision. Increased irritability when people ask you questions. So when you just or things like resorting to an easier choice. So for example, um, what do you want for dinner? Let's have a takeaway. Yeah. Yeah. Just because it's just so much easier. Yeah, it is. Okay, so what can you do? I'm gonna give you listen to me. No, I'm gonna give you some really good tips on what women can do. So I hope you're listening, Peter. Anita. I'm gonna give you some really good tips. Tip number one, automate the small stuff. As in. As in. Steve Jobs, for example, used to wear the same clothes every single day. No, not the same clothes. I don't mean like he smelled. Robert Patterson didn't wash his hair. He had this conversation the other day, meaning Gabby. I was like, No, I mean, what's it called? What? Talking like, if you're listening, Rob. Yeah, really, mate, shampoo your hair. Um, it was Cameron Diaz that didn't use deodorant. Stop, out of them. Well, we've got on the subject now. No, no, but no, I what I mean is things like create a capsule wardrobe. Yeah. So have like three pairs of trousers, three tops, three jackets that you can just mix mix and match so that all the tops go with the bottoms, the ones go with the tops. So you're not so it's a capsule style, so you're not overcomplicating it. So you know that whichever one you grab, they always go together. Simplify your wardrobe, power it down so that you know that everything in your wardrobe fits you, everything in your wardrobe goes with everything else. Literally, kind of like, what's the lady that does that? Bless it and release it if you if it's not, and then it begins with a K. But she does do that. Um seriously brain fob now, when she she gets you to dramatically cut down if you if you if your item of clothing doesn't bring you joy, throw it away. But seriously, simplify your wardrobe so that you don't have loads and loads and loads and loads of clothes in there that you literally don't wear. Less laundry. Yeah, but it it makes sense, you know. If you're not wearing it, get rid of it and and make it easier. Also plan your meals and rotate a meal plan. When women come to me and they say, I'm sick and tired of getting everyone to to to agree on a meal plan, you know, on meals, and they they always tell me what I would say to them is create a master meal plan. So get all your family down for one big power, you know, one big meeting and say to them, right, everybody give me the meals that they will agree to. So you might create 20 meals that everybody agrees to, and then you rotate them. And then you have a meal plan that everybody agreed that they will eat these dinners, everybody agrees to them. Yeah. Okay. And then on a Sunday night, you just decide what's gonna happen for that week. You've got a meal plan, and that's it. Then set reoccurring orders online. So all your supplements, available at www.kateverlenlifestyle.com, but all your supplements, all your stationery, all your things that you regularly order, set them up online. Yeah. So you such your ways off. You're cutting down on anything that doesn't need to be remembered. Amazon, I I hate not my favorite company for many reasons, but there are companies that you can regularly schedule certain items. Like ours. Like yeah, like I'm saying our supplements. So you could just get your collagen delivered to you every month or your magnesium, whatever it is. But there's companies that will do that for you, and you just don't have to remember it. But the fewer decisions that you have to make, the easier it is to make the other decisions. And create routines, rituals. I'm a big I don't like the word routine because I'm ADHD and because I don't like being told what to do. Yeah. So I create rituals. But if you always have a skincare ritual in the morning, it's easier because you're not remembering it. You're not having to reinvent the wheel. Similarly at night time, I have a certain sequence. Again, I am on the spectrum, but I have a certain evening sequence. Yeah, it's nice. It's very every level calms itself down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it's very precise. And I do the same thing every day. I take my, you've seen me, I am put my supplements in a certain way, and then I go and I do my skincare's arranged in in order, and my pajamas are always left in the same place. That's very organized. But it but I Oh, it's such a treat to look at her bedroom.

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I know it really is like every girl's like dream bedroom. It's like the bags are stacked properly, the shoes stacked.

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Everything's just but then I put things away in when I take them off. So it's all you know where everything is, where you've left everything, and takes away as well any confusion. I never have to figure out where things are, everything is where I left them. And again, it it reduces the conscious decisions. Habits reduce conscious decision making. The more and you know, if you want to read a good book on on hab, you know, James Cho uh James Oh the name's gone now, but the atomic habits book, very, very good about how 1%, 1%, 1% makes builds really, really good habits. Creating rituals is great because you have fewer what am I supposed to do next moments, and that just stops the fatigue in your brain. Prioritize big decisions earlier on in the day. So if you know you're gonna have a heavier mental brain work to do, eat the frog in the morning. I don't know if you've read the book, Eat the Frog, but but do that earlier on in the morning. Save low-value decisions for later. Things that you have to do that are heavier on the brain, do it after lunchtime. They're not as important. When you've got to use your brain to use your brain in the morning, the first two hours of the day is when your brain's really awake. So do those things in the morning. What else would I say? Delegate where you can. You don't have to be everything to everyone. True, yeah. And you know, you don't have to be the only person that does dinner or buys the shopping or goes and picks up stuff, especially if your children are are older. Yeah. Like, and if if you've got pre-planned menus, like if you've done all the menu planning, your kids can cook meals, your partner can cook meals, you know. Oh sure. And teach them. Teach a man to fish. You're not a Bible person, are you? No. Um there's teach a man to fish, give him I can't remember the now you can brain fog. But it's like if you give somebody a fish, they'll eat once. But if you teach a man to fish, he'll eat for the rest of his life. Yes. So if you t if you give a kid a meal, the kid will eat once, but if you teach a kid to cook, they can feed themselves for the rest of their lives. So teach kids to cook. And when they go to university, when they leave home or they go off to uni or whatever they do, they'll be able to feed themselves, right? Raising adults. So delegate whenever possible, share how household decisions. You know, it's not a bad thing to have, you know, kids and partners, you know, involved in in decisions. I mean, you'd probably have partners involved anyway, but like have kids involved in decisions, give them ownership of it. Yeah. And it helps them make decision making for them. Absolutely. Anybody wins. But yeah, and and and then limit choice overload, like too many options if you brain fog. So don't give yourself too many choices. Like limit the choices that you have. You know, we we have we share nail polish, for example. We have a limited supply of very lovely nail polish that we keep all together. We just use those ones. We don't and when they're finished. Yeah. And everyone knows where the place is, so we put it back. Yeah. And unsubscribe from stuff. So if you get emails in your inbox that you are irrelevant, go on an unsubscribe mission. Challenge yourself to unsubscribe to things once a day. So when if things come into your inbox and you're like, I don't ever want to see that again, unsubscribe to it. And and give yourself permission to like unfollow people that annoy you and unsubscribe to emails that you don't want. And all of these things reduce the fatigue in your brain. All of them do. And I think I think those, you know, they're they're they're good, good ideas. And remind yourself that not every decision deserves equal weight. You know, some decisions you can just be flippant about. You don't have to consider it that seriously. You know, if you're going on holiday, throw put the map on a dartboard and throw dart in it and go, right, we're going there. Just shoot some needles. Yeah, be wild, be free. You do that. I would, but I don't care. I'm like, I've been around the world, so I'm like, yeah, yeah, whatever. Cool. Get on the plane. And good and also remember that good good enough is bet is is often better than perfect. Yeah. Like give yourself a break. Yeah. I think this is the biggest thing that women women do. Give yourself a break. Yeah. Just just I had to tell Jenna that yesterday. Yeah. Like you've been uni a week. Give yourself a break. It's okay not to know everything. Yeah. It really is. Like knows everything. Yeah. Just give yourself enough mental space as well. Leave enough room in your brain for fun, for joy, for creativity, for meaningful living, for mindfulness. Don't forget that that that stuff needs to be in there as well. And it will help to balance out the stress and and the crap that goes with everyday living. I mean, you know, and as I said, Steve Jobs wore the same, he had like, I don't know how many black turtlenecks that he wore every day. Barack Obama wore the same suits daily so that he didn't waste energy on it. Simon Carl does. Yeah. I mean, they have staple wardrobes that they wear all the time. I'm not suggesting you should wear the same thing every day, but you can rotate them. The more decisions that you make, the more, you know, you're you're you're just wearing yourself out. So I think you just give yourself a bit of a break and and just realise that, you know, you don't have to have just taught and taught and taught. But you don't have to yeah, weird that. But you just just try and reduce the amount of decisions that aren't that important. Try and try and schedule like and subscribe to as much things as you can automate. Try and delegate as much as you can and try and simplify whatever you can. Yeah. And just know that there is biological stuff going on. It's not you that are suddenly becoming capable. There is a lot of biological stuff going on. Yeah, Anita. I enjoyed this one. Oh, I'm glad you did. I'm here to I'm here to entertain you. Thanks, Anita. So it's a it's juicier than you think it is. On the top side, you think no decision fatigue. But no, it's there's actually like there's a lot of stuff that you can do to make your life a darn sight easier. There you go. Next month is World Menopause Month, Menopause Awareness Month, October. And we've got World Mono I can't beat the day. World Menopause Day on the 18th of October, which is fun. It is exciting. We're looking forward to that one. No, it was longer than that because I I've been doing World Menopause Day for for longer than that. But I don't know, we should do answers on the postcard. Let's have a look. All right, my darlings. I hope that helps. Don't forget if you would like to join us for the for the fire walk, you can still pick up a ticket. We're going to be talking loads about menopause in and paramenopause in October. We have a special edition of the podcast coming out in October as well on Sun World Menopause Day. So keep a lookout for that one. Love yourself fiercely, take care of yourself, speak kindly to yourself, and we will speak to you soon. Bye bye. Thanks for joining us today on the Uncomplicated Paramenopause podcast. We hope you found this episode helpful and inspiring.

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Don't forget, if you have any questions or topics you'd like us to cover, you can reach out for our Peramenopause group or on WhatsApp.

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For more information on my coaching, perimenopause supplements, books or upcoming events, please visit www.haterovener.com.

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And if you've enjoyed today's episode, please subscribe, rate, and review our podcast. It really helps us reach more listeners just like you.

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Until next time, remember perimenopause doesn't have to be complicated. We're here to help you every step of the way.

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Stay uncomplicated.