Speaker 1: 0:01

Hello, my darlings, and welcome to episode 20 of the Uncomplicated Perimenopause Podcast. I'm I think I'm Kate Grosvenor and I'm a perimenopause expert and life coach, and I think I'm Gabriella Grosvenor.

Speaker 2: 0:14

As far as I know, I'm Kate's daughter and I guess I'm here to learn with you all. I'm not even having a laugh We've been having one of those days where it's like we're going to record record.

Speaker 1: 0:22

No, we're not. Yes, we are. No, we're not, yes, we are, and it's just yeah. We're just throwing the cat out of the studio, and it's just yeah. We've had a busy weekend, though, to be fair, to be fair, to be honest, to be true 22 of you will know why.

Speaker 2: 0:39

Yes, this is true firewalk this weekend so we're a little bit, and it was so fun, it was brilliant. It was brilliant. Everybody that was there had the most amazing time we all did.

Speaker 1: 0:51

It was fantastic and you got the feels.

Speaker 2: 0:54

You got a bit emotional yes, and I didn't think I would. I was telling my mum because obviously I knew beforehand what we were going to do in the firewalk and what was about and everything. But then during the, the coaching session, for a couple of hours it got me emotional. I was trying to remain professional. It just took over. And then the day after, my god, I thought about every relative that has passed away, every ex-boyfriend, and just just cried, just just had a moment.

Speaker 1: 1:20

I feel better now that I've let things out that I didn't know needed to come out, but that's that was the whole point of the of the exercise and I, you know, I I wanted you to have that experience and that's why I you know I did not.

Speaker 2: 1:34

I thought you didn't see it coming. No, at all.

Speaker 1: 1:37

So this is the thing about fireworks. This is going to do the pyramid pause, hello everyone. Um, this is the thing about the firework, is? It's not about the firewalk? And this is what I was saying to everybody. I can teach you how to firewalk in five minutes. You know, here's a firewalk. Go across it. It's not to do with that, it's the decisions and it's what goes on in your mindset, and so it's exhausting, but it's something to the firewalk.

Speaker 2: 1:58

Yeah, and everyone has a completely different experience and most people I would say most people I asked there said that they didn't even feel the the fact like the hot being hot on their feet.

Speaker 1: 2:08

You you know it's hot. Yeah, I mean, when we say it's hot it's like 400 degrees centigrade 488. I googled it. I was like hot, hot yeah it's like you know hot, hot, hot, but you, you, your mind, knows it's hot, but yet you don't feel it.

Speaker 2: 2:25

What we need to try next is the complete other way walking on like ice or something.

Speaker 1: 2:30

No, no, no, you're cold, I'm sorry, no, but I'd love to do like a massive perimenopause event where we talk all about perimenopause and you know we have a whole thing, and then I help women. You know, understand that a lot of perimenopause and I, you know we have a whole thing, and then I help women. You know, understand that a lot of perimenopause is it's, it is mind over matter in so many things, and then we do a firewalk. So then we ought to have a huge perimenopause event and then we do a firewalk, because that'd just be so much fun if you're interested you know where to pop us a message.

Speaker 1: 3:00

Yes, if you'd like to come to a perimenops event near you, let me know and I will be there yeah and I will be there. I'll be there but yeah I digress episode 20. What we're doing, babs?

Speaker 2: 3:13

so first, I don't want to to seem rude. If I'm misprinting, it's either andrea or andrea. She's from spain, okay, so I couldn't tell you it might be andrea, I think. So, andrea, I would think but it's spelled andrea, so I I am so sorry because she could be andrea that lives in spain but she's british, or it could be andrea who lives in espana, espana okay, so she's actually from malaga specifically and I've been and I loved it.

Speaker 1: 3:41

Nice she's so she's having better weather than we had, although the final was lovely weather.

Speaker 2: 3:46

It was lovely weather, it was nice and sunny, not the day after, um. So andrea is 44, so she has three little kids. Oh, bless a husband and a part-time job. Okay, she says. She also knows, as you have three kids not so little, not so little, but and you have a business she wants to know how do you do it all?

Speaker 2: 4:09

how do you manage I go, I'm going slightly mad, okay, all right how do you manage looking after your kids, spending time with your partner, being committed to your work yeah, and also looking yourself, especially in the perimenopause?

Speaker 1: 4:27

Okie, dokie, mm-hmm. Right, big one, big one. Lovely question, fantastic question, okay. So, first and foremost, oh gosh, this is yes. So the first thing to realize is nobody's got it all figured out. So if you think I've got it all figured out, you're wrong. Okay, just because what you see is some is my highlight reel. Okay, people look at me genuinely and think I, I, you know, everything's smooth sailing. It really, really isn't, and what you see is a well-oiled machine that functions from lots and lots and lots of practice and a team. It is not me on my own being superwoman.

Speaker 1: 5:21

I promise you, I promise you, I promise you we are a team and I rely heavily on you and my other two daughters do pitch in. Yeah, um, especially when you kick them up, the what's? It's no, they don't. They're really good, aren't they? So we, we and my partner is really caring and really supportive, so I lean heavily on my support systems. I do not do it all on my own. Yeah, okay.

Speaker 1: 5:55

And when I say okay, so let's start at the beginning, when you're balancing children and partner and work, it is very, very difficult to find time for yourself. Yeah, and when they are little, it is, it is even more difficult. So I think the first thing to understand is that no one has it all figured out. Yeah, not, not, not a person, okay. And when you then throw perimenopause into the mix, it can seem extremely overwhelming. So obviously, with perimenopause, as we know, emotionally and physically, there are so many changes that go on. And so, even if you do, even if I said to you today so let's say, you're one of my one-to-one clients, okay, and you came to me for life coaching and we worked really, really hard for, let's say, two, three months and we got it all figured out and I, we prioritized everything and we put all your rituals in place, because rituals are. Some people call them routines. I don't call them routines. Yes, as you know, I'm ADHD, so I can't bear the idea of routines because it sounds boring.

Speaker 1: 7:06

As well, for me it's very, very boring because I like the new, I like the fresh routines to me, I like death, but you know everyone's different. So let's say we got all your rituals in place and you knew exactly what you were doing. Because perimenopause changes so frequently, you could have a completely new symptom yeah in the next few months. That would send everything out of sync again.

Speaker 1: 7:30

So it's really important to understand that in perimenopause flexibility and the willingness to adapt, to change is super important and to go with the flow a little bit yeah yes, it's kind of paramount. Start with a place of I'm going to, I'm going to prioritize me, I'm going to take care of me, I'm going to prioritize my energy. If you could, if you can start on on the, if you can stand on the top of of energy mountain, almost you know and just understand that if I, if I, if I can understand that, no matter what I do, things are going to change okay, yeah, so because paramount pause is going to change, my symptoms going to change.

Speaker 1: 8:23

Everything's going to have ups and downs. Perimenopause is going to throw a lot of different things at me, so I'm going to have to keep changing my rituals. So, when you're younger, so I have friends that are like super, super organized. You know some of my friends who are on it and they know what they're doing six months in advance, yeah, and I can barely keep up. So I'm not not that person, as you know. So, as I was saying, when people look at me and think I've got it all together, I really don't People have to remind me what I'm doing on a quite regular basis. I actually I booked Jenna's dental appointment today for like next April and I thought I'm so on it, are you?

Speaker 2: 8:59

going to remember. It's in my diary, okay.

Speaker 1: 9:01

Yeah, and for me that's like woohoo, yeah. But if you can say to yourself, okay, I don't always have to have it sorted out, I'm going to try my best. I'm going to see if I can prioritize my energies number one, because no matter what happens, I need energy.

Speaker 2: 9:23

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 9:24

So I'm going to make sure that everything that I do is going to add to my energy levels.

Speaker 1: 9:29

Okay, Because no matter what happens, I'm going to need my energy. Yeah, number two I'm going to add to my energy levels. Okay, because no matter what happens, I'm going to need my energy. Number two I'm going to have to be flexible because perimenopause is going to keep giving me weird curve balls. It's going to keep throwing new symptoms at me. I'm going to keep feeling differently about my emotions. Some days I'm going to wake up feeling one kind of way. Other days I'm going to feel wake up another kind of way and have to deal with it. Okay, so that's two things prioritizing my energy. When I have energies, when I have energy, I'm going to be able to handle the ups and downs. When I don't have energy, I'm gonna need to rely on other people a bit more.

Speaker 2: 10:10

That's a good like. First and foremost, you need energy.

Speaker 1: 10:14

Yeah, yeah. So energy is going to come number one. Okay, now speaking about what you can and cannot handle. You are not an island. You've said you've got your, you've got your marriage right, not husband. Okay, communication with your husband is super duper important, right? He's not the enemy, even though sometimes you will feel like you want to stab him in the eye for breathing he's. You know. Don't breathe at me in that tone of voice.

Speaker 1: 10:48

I love that he's not the enemy. He is your biggest advocate. He is your. He's the father of your children, he's the love of your life, hopefully, and he, he is going to be your rock and you need to let him help you. So when your energy is low, communicate with him. Tell him I'm having having a bad day. It's a bad perimenopause day. I can't remember what my name is. I don't know what this thing is called. Help you know, because everything is an ebb and flow. Sometimes you, you can manage. Sometimes I'm having a superwoman day. Sometimes I'm having a I need to crawl up in a ball and cry or hide or just be type of a day. So learn that at this stage of life, you're not meant to do it all alone. And when you've got little kids, that sorry, but that shit's hard. Yeah, like that is really hard work.

Speaker 1: 11:50

She's in her early mid-40s as well so yeah you know they, they will test you, they will push every single last button and kids have a habit of picking up on your energy. Yeah, so if you are, um, frazzled, the what kids will pick up on is that you're not okay and they, they'll pick up on this frazzled energy and they will you think, oh, kids pick up on frazzled energy, they'll give you a break. No, kids will pick up on frazzled energy and they will feel unsettled. I mean that you know. You know we can laugh about it, but yeah, they actually feel unnerved.

Speaker 1: 12:29

So let older children like you know, if I'm frazzled, you'll give me a wide berth. You'll be like holy shibbles, I'm keeping away from her today. Yeah, you'll be like heads down. But you know, let's batten the hatches, stay away from mummy. Yeah, you know, little kids, when mum is frazzled, when mum is off balance, yeah, it unnerves them, it makes them feel unsettled, it makes them feel insecure. So what they then do is, when little kids are insecure, they act up. Okay, are you with?

Speaker 1: 13:00

me because they feel then insecure, they feel like really stressed, so they're frazzled themselves, so they become frazzled. And what little kids would then do? Is they act like little shits, right? Yeah, so then what they?

Speaker 1: 13:14

their behavior then gets worse you're already off balance, because that's what happened in the first place. Yeah, so then the two like so you're better off handing children over to your husband, just saying I'm, I'm not dealing, I'm not doing, okay, I'm, I'm, yeah, I really need a break. Yeah, so understand, when you're not fit for human consumption, you know. You're much better for everybody's sake, yeah, saying tag, you're it she also has a job, part-time job, yeah so okay.

Speaker 1: 13:45

So here's. Here's the thing if you're if you're let's say you're on the weekend and you're really tired, because you know, I've said so many times, perimenopause will make you feel like you're on your knees with everything else. Last time I was tired like this was when I was pregnant with you, really.

Speaker 2: 14:02

Yeah.

Speaker 1: 14:02

The last time I was fatigued, especially mid-perimenopause, was when I was first pregnant in 1999. That's crazy.

Speaker 2: 14:12

I didn't know it was like that.

Speaker 1: 14:13

Yeah, because your hormones are just all over right wow, that's extreme so, yeah, yeah, we're not.

Speaker 1: 14:20

So when it comes to work, one of the things that I talk to corporates about and companies about is you have to again this ebb and and. Communicating with corporates is really important. I did a podcast the other day. I can't I'm not going to mention the company because it's inappropriate, oh yeah, but I did a podcast for them so that they could send it out. They have they're a worldwide company and they have thousands of employees, but I was helping them draft their corporate responsibility when it comes to perimenopause and menopause, because they companies need to know that again flexibility when it comes to their menopause and their perimenopause stuff is very important, otherwise they will have a brain drain because women in their late 40s, 50s, whatever, it is or mid-40s, even very, very important segment of their, of their staff.

Speaker 1: 15:18

But if they, if they're struggling for whatever reason, they don't want to lose that talent yeah yeah, but again ebb and flow, so a certain amount of flexibility is really important, yeah, yeah.

Speaker 1: 15:31

so what would I say right? First and foremost, setting boundaries is, I think for me has been a real game changer. Um, perimenopause can mess with your focus and it can mess with your emotions, so it helps me to separate. I think, time with your kids and time with work is really, really important. So if you can separate your work time and your family time, it's really important. So if you're at work, put your phone on focus mode so that no one's disturbing you.

Speaker 1: 16:14

Even if you work from home. I don't know what she does. She has a part-time job but even if she's so when she's at home, work doesn't impede on home time, yeah, and when she's at work, you know the opposite, Because both can bleed into each other.

Speaker 2: 16:29

It's like when Rowan calls you and you're at work. Yeah, it's like you when rowan calls you when you're at work, it's like you can't.

Speaker 1: 16:34

You can't do both no, and I have to say to like right now I'm at work yeah yeah, and that's your boundary, and that's my boundary and you have to put in place because if I answer personal calls when I'm at work, my focus goes. I can't. My ability to multitask or compartmentalize overwhelms me. You know if I, if I don't segment them properly, it overwhelms me.

Speaker 1: 16:56

Yeah, I, I used to be able to switch more easily, I think before perimenopause I used to be able to say, oh yeah, just hold on, I'll do this and then come back to work. Well, that makes sense and I can't do it anymore yeah yeah, I have to just stay in work mode.

Speaker 2: 17:12

That's something else on top of your life. That's a big thing, so it makes sense that other things are going to.

Speaker 1: 17:17

Yeah, just can't do it. I think one area which used to suffer more is time with my partner, and he drew my attention to this and he was the one of the Because, obviously, with what I do for a living, we we have very open conversations and he feels very comfortable to say to me um, you're, you're getting the balance wrong yeah, in our house we're quite good at we are.

Speaker 1: 17:48

We're very open, yeah, we're very good at communication. So, um, he, he feels very comfortable to say to me you haven't prioritized me this week, or you know, can we schedule in time, or so he, because we have this open communication, if I'm getting the balance wrong, he does feel comfortable to say to me hey, let's do date night, or it's good that he does that yeah, yeah, he feels comfortable and this is the thing when you have this communication, you have that type of relationship.

Speaker 1: 18:16

He feels very comfortable to say to me but I am aware as well. So sometimes I'll say I'm so tired this week, um, but I'd love to. You know, let's come on the weekend, can we spend a day together? Yeah, and then I have to I, because you guys are older. I can then say, um, I'm doing date night on Friday night, yeah, or I I'm going away, yeah, on this day, or. And then I can say to what you know, obviously you work with me, so I can say schedule out that time, yeah, yeah, whatever it is. So it is also um a priority for me to stay connected, and I've learned to communicate with him openly and it's not necessarily in my life right now.

Speaker 1: 19:00

It's not necessarily about quantity of time yeah, yeah because I can't. I mean, you know what my life is like, you know firewalk podcast, yeah, life coaching brand, lifestyle brand children.

Speaker 2: 19:15

But it's like what you said to us growing up and this is something, because she has three kids and you had three kids and me being the oldest child. We always remembered that there's one child that requires a little bit more attention, yeah, than the other two, and that's okay, and my mom used to say to us that it's not equal, but it's fair. Yeah, the attention, the amount of attention that I'll spend on each child, it might not be equal because one needs a bit more attention. So that's a good thing that you always did with us and letting us know.

Speaker 1: 19:48

Yeah, I mean, and this is yeah. It's a tough one when you've got one child that needs more attention than the others. But this is the thing fair and equal are not the same. And in life, you know, it's the same with scott. You know he he may not get the same attention as my business gets, or whatever, but it's always about quality yeah, yeah you know, spending quality time and going on. I make sure that I spend quality time with everybody in my life, yeah yeah, quality time with you girls separately.

Speaker 1: 20:16

Yeah, so you and I go out for like little shopping trips on jenna and I, you know, even if we're just out to the dentist like today. But we went, we came back the scenic route and we, because jenna loves, like countryside. So we came back the scenic route and we, you know we'll we'll deliberately put nice songs on when we're doing school run and we'll sing at the top of our voices because Jenna and I love to sing.

Speaker 2: 20:41

She doesn't do that with me. I can't sing at the top of my voice with you. There was a rule growing up Bear in mind a family of musicians sidetrack but I just have to tell the world. I was not allowed to start singing until 9am and I had to be quiet and stop singing after 7 o'clock at night. I'm not a very good singer.

Speaker 1: 21:12

So also, like Jenna and I after school on Fridays, fridays we always go, I'm just not going to come on that one. After school we we go for costa coffees every friday. Yeah, and that's our little date yeah, as well she does, she does really cherish and it's like scott said you want me to pick up jenna.

Speaker 1: 21:25

I'm like never on a friday because that's our little yeah time together. Yeah, so it's putting those pockets of I'm just so like, skip over that, um. It's putting those pockets of time in with each person that you value in your life, to say to them you are a priority, no matter how little time you have. Yeah, it's making sure that you have that, yeah, quality time with people and they know that you're a priority, whether it's your best friend, whether it's your partner, whether and don't let friendships go as well, they're also I was going to say friendships is a good big relationship as well, you have to make female friendships, female friendships of a certain age, like you need your female friends.

Speaker 1: 22:06

So just making sure you have those female friendships in there as well, and it's just pockets of time. It doesn't have to be whole great big, huge days with people, yeah, so putting those things in. So let's just recap so you've got, you are the top of energy. Mountain Energy is number one priority. Then you've got to make sure that you compartmentalize and you put your boundaries in place Work life, then it's letting people know when you're overwhelmed and relying on your support system. Then it's spending priority time with each person in your life. Okay, small moments, yeah, make the biggest difference, you know, even if it's just having like when the kids are in bed, sitting down before you know, not just rushing off to bed yourself having that cup of cacao, or you know, tea with sorry, I'm a lover of cacao, having that cup of cacao, or tea with sorry, I'm a lover of cacao. Having a cup of cacao with somebody or having a cup of tea with them before you go to bed. Just catching up with each other, growing up, time together really important. And then with your self-care, with your self-love, it has to be non-negotiable. If you are not okay in yourself, everything else falls apart.

Speaker 1: 23:21

I learned this the hard way and I spend. Obviously I'm a life coach. That's my above everything else. Yeah, first and foremost, with my background in psychology, I am a life coach and it's my passion in life. It's what I do, one-to-one with clients, and you're a damn good one. Thank you, my lovely. But it's why I'm on this planet, apart from being a mom and everything else. But what I'm most passionate about is helping women avoid burnout, helping women to change their mindset around so that they can think in a way that benefits them and and changes their relationship with themselves. This is, this is my whole thing in life, and you have to spend that time with yourself and learn why you're, why you're so special and why you're so. I truly believe women are beautiful, beautiful, beautiful humans and they're so special.

Speaker 1: 24:28

And learning to love yourself yeah and care for yourself and really take amazing time to nourish yourself, nourish your mind, nourish your body, nourish your soul, is vital. I didn't learn it earlier enough in my life and that's why I nearly had a well, I did have a crash in 2016. And in perimenopause, I think this is more important than at any other time in your life, because there are some things that you can do that will help your um. Obviously, your perimenopause journey, like the supplements and collagen and everything else, but also yoga and also hydration and also sleep. I genuinely believe that these kind of things can make your journey. I mean, I would say, for most women, your symptoms can halve or become 70% easier just by looking after yourself. Yeah, so you can choose the kind of journey that you have Now. Obviously, some symptoms are horrific, and we know that I'm not saying horrific is maybe a strong word. No-transcript.